I have some exciting news to share…
I am 22 weeks and one day along and only until recently decided to start telling people outside of my close circle of friends/family.
I partly waited so long because for the duration of my first trimester I was struggling with my emotions. I felt confused and slightly disappointed. I felt anxious and uncertain. I also felt scared. I knew I’d eventually have more children but it came a little bit sooner than I expected. I think it’s why I felt disappointed. I was more or less disappointed that I let myself foolishly make the same decision I made 4 years ago when I got pregnant with Mia.
I say foolishly because it is uncertain whether or not Mia’s father will step up for this baby and finally grow up.
Let me just say, I don’t like uncertainty. As a woman suffering from OCD and major control issues, I can safely proclaim that I like things to be organized and well planned out. If you can find a way to use color-coding, sticky notes, and highlighters, I will especially love you.
It was therefore hard to wrap my head around the fact that I was in for ten grueling months of physical and emotional changes with someone I could not know for certain I could count on. It also made me nervous to break the news to my parents because it was a very known fact to me that they were not very fond of Mia’s father and they always found a way to make me aware of their distaste.
To my extreme and utter joy, they were not at all disappointed -if they were they definitely hid it well. It was a huge weight off my shoulders knowing I could count on my parents’ support.
I spent the rest of my first trimester assuring myself that I would and could get through the next couple of months.
Now here I am.
To my extreme satisfaction, I found out that I am carrying a boy. I felt from the beginning of my pregnancy that that might be so because everything about this pregnancy has been different from my pregnancy with Mia. My symptoms, my cravings, my moods… I obsessively tried every gender prediction test I could find and they all pointed to the possibility of having a boy so I felt confident in my assumption that I was indeed having a boy.
It was weird to even entertain the idea of having another girl because in my eyes, I already had my little girl and I didn’t need another one. Rather, I didn’t know how I could possibly love another little girl as much as I love my Mia. In that moment when I found out, I felt happy and whole. I relished the idea of finally getting my Prince. I told myself right then and there that I would raise my son to be everything his father wasn’t.
I know it will be harder with two, however, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful and selfless daughter. I know she will be the best big sister. I know she will be to her brother what I was to my own.
I am finally so happy and excited. I absolutely cannot wait to meet my son. I cannot wait to see what our future holds. ♥♥♥