Growing up is a pain in the rear.
Whoever said it was fun and meant it was seriously deluded because there is nothing fun about added responsibilities, paying bills, and working 40-50 hours a week.
Ever since Mia was born, I’ve been working at a grocery store by my house as a cashier. I’ve known the store manager of the grocery store since I was about 11 because he used to be the store manager at my mom’s store (same chain store). In 2013, a store on the west side of town opened up and they offered him the manager position due to his years of experience and his success as a manager at my mom’s store. He took it and asked my mom and some of her co-workers if they’d want to come and work with him when he opened the new store. My mom wanted to but couldn’t due to the distance but told him I was looking for a job and so he offered me a part time position since he knew Mia was small and I didn’t want to work too many hours (so as not to be away from her too much).
I’ve been working there for almost three years (one year part-time and the last two years full-time) as well as finishing school to get my bachelor’s degree and I finally graduated this April. With only a July class to take, the hunt for a professional job was looming.
I started looking at potential places to apply a little after Mia’s birthday but I kept putting off the actually applying part because I hadn’t updated my resume. For almost 2 weeks I kept that excuse up and recent changes at my job had me feeling only more suffocated and miserable.
Have you ever taken a step back and looked in on your life and analyzed the decisions you’ve made and the decisions you keep making? I felt disappointed in myself for allowing myself to feel so helpless. I felt almost annoyed that I’d left myself feel so helpless. I decided right then that I would stop letting fate take the wheel. I decided right then and there that I’d take the wheel.
About two weeks ago I applied to a company I’d read about and encountered before after I saw that they were hiring. I was hoping I would get a callback but to be completely honest, I didn’t think I would get one.
I’ve always kind of struggled with self esteem issues but it’s something I’ve been trying to work on since having Mia because I don’t want any of my insecurities to rub off on her. It’s definitely hard though because I feel as if these issues have been ingrained in me for so long that sometimes I don’t notice myself succumbing to my inner demons. There’s something to be said for trying though.
Anyways, I received a callback two days after I applied and I was invited to an interview the following day. I was extremely nervous before my interview because I’d only ever had one job interview in my life and that had been over three years ago and it hadn’t gone well. That day I woke up extra early and made myself something to eat and plopped myself in front of my TV to watch an episode of Faking It -that cheesy MTV show about the high schoolers in Texas (MTV is kind of my guilty pleasure). I had gone to Kohls the night before and picked out two potential outfits and tried them on that morning and opted on khaki dress slacks, a black button up and a simple white necklace. I curled my hair for the first time in a long time and got ready to make the 15 minute drive out to the location where the interview was to take place. I got there with about 20 minutes to spare and called my mom for a last minute pep talk. She didn’t disappoint.
The interview actually went pretty great. I left feeling pretty confident and I told myself that even if I didn’t get the job, I was proud of myself for putting myself out there and attempting to make a change in my life. I got a job offer the very next morning and accepted it that same day. Ecstatic didn’t even begin to describe how I felt when I opened that offer letter. It felt like I was finally winning.
Being an adult is hard. You are expected to have it somewhat together and have an idea of what you want to do in your life. If you want any semblance of a decent job you are expected to either be extremely talented or go to school to learn a trade or profession. You are expected to find a mate and get married and buy a house and have children (preferably in that order).
Growing up is hard.
My first day is tomorrow and I am nervous, excited, happy, anxious… Most of all, I feel proud and accomplished because even if I don’t know what awaits me, I know that there is something to be said about taking the first step forward into taking control of your life. I shall let you guys know how my first day goes.